I previously uploaded this picture in many other websites, but I haven’t explained it because I'm almost sure that no one else would understand what it is about. This is a portrait of myself, & this picture was a result of me expressing my feelings, I put my heart and soul into this picture, and the clue is her wristlet ' Refusal ' which is refusal to eat anything that will cause me to stay the same weight as I am now or gain. I'm really tired of being how I am, I think I'm beautiful on the inside, and I have the features on the outside that have the potential to be beautiful, but isn't yet. If I lose more weight, these features will be enhanced, like my cheekbone, and collar bone that are already very define, will be even more define, and my hip bone will appear in a more beautiful way. I am not the best artist, but I am a perfectionist in my own mind. And my masterpiece is my figure, if I can perfect that I am a true artist.
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About me.
Occupation: Senior year student. ( 12th grade ) Home town:Shj.Location : UAE Astrological sign: Capricorn Age: 16 Birthday:January 6th 1993 Hair color :light brown Eye color : Hazel Skin color: Tanned . Body shape:Glasshour. Starting weight : 76 Kg.Current weight: 56.6 Kg Goal weight#1 :54kg Goal weight #2: 52kgs Goal weight #3: 49Kgs.
I'm happy I found this website because it meant for a chance to meet new people with my situation. I am not sick, and I do not have an eating 'disorder' . I love the fact that I count calories, exercise, and miss-meals. I do not find anything wrong with that. Yes, there is the side-effects, but beauty does not come without pain. I like this website because people actually understand the idea that I carry. What I wish to get out of this website is friends and support. I want people to help me because I failed from time to time to stick with my set of rules, also it would be nice to meet people that can relate. I'm happy that I can for once talk freely about my diet.
The best way to describe me would be some-what creative & friendly.
My favorite books include Catcher & the rye, Skinny b*tch, and He's just not that into you.
I enjoy :Music, arts and poetry, I also enjoy history and writing.
Favorite movies: P.s I love you, Seven pounds.
Favorite TV shows:Family guy, Desperate housewives .
My heroes: Firsty, its God, Then, its myself, for losing this much weight and still being motivated, and my idols are Gemma Ward, Twiggy & Megan Fox .
My superpower is: I can adjust myself to anyone I'm with. I can be-Friend anyone & my creativity.
If I could live anywhere, it would be: Heaven.
P.s. I love making friends I really do, and who ever wants to be my friend, I'm open. I'm looking for support, and looking to give support for all who needs. I love company,so feel free to message me anytime. ..............................
It's hard I admit, because it seems like it's only getting further
These thoughts too, you'll commit... but people are , Judges, backstabbers ,analyzers.
They'll hurt you with words not fists. Because fists burn, and words indulge you in fire.
there words bound you by your wrists, & crush you to bits. Your thoughts are too broken, you negatively aspire.
Your optimism a joke, to yourself your a liar.Your goals of perfection are proving too heavy.
Gravity pulls you down as it forces a collapse by her. the ' ideal' , the ' flawless' the ' perfect' . & what are you? a disappearing source of awkward jealousy.
and you try to convince yourself, " I don't need looks, I don't need love, I have my ideas, I have my intellect! "
But what intellect can be expressed in a painting so dull?
Seems that it's where ' the end ' of the conversation in your head pierces your hopes.
your imperfection, haunts the mind in your skull.
& This is when you surrender your heart for the sake of your breakdown.
Your faking, your smiling, your hiding the thoughts that to others unknown.
You're trying to uncover the solution to a 'calm down' .
You're screaming you're hurting; you're bleeding, and pleading for help silently.
Beautifully broken, you pray to god for mercy.
Around you in darkness, your pupil gets wider, & traces of light get clearer and clearer.
That person was with you, seen what you’ve been through.
A spark of what seems to be a rope that’s pulling u towards hope.
Suddenly the brightness, a helping hand offers a second chance to revive your dreams.
And signs pointing towards them, a stronger control through your mind has gleamed.
Your strength is mounting, over lapping your uncertainties
Your doubts are evaporation in a milieu of relief.
You're snowed under bliss, and disbelief,
Of a savior who is so sudden. Finally comes you're anti-grief.
The end.
I'm sure many girls can relate to my poem.
Leave a comment, a statement,a quotation, a word , a sentence , a question, a speech , Lyrics, poem or even gibberish, anything as long as its not rude, or insulting to me or anyone else.
& Please tell me what you think of the drawing and/or the poem ( if you read it).
A chokehold of lies is a curse, to destroy myself and all of them; Enclosing around my neck, it steals away the last breath of self-respect. I lied to them, those people I love, and to these lies I am condemned. I'm destined and cursed to shrivel near what is known as ' perfect': Disheartened at the ample ,fleshy, little girl my mirror always reflects. I don’t need to be fed, not until I've devoured the flesh of my insides. To reach my goal I'll suffer the guilt of knowing I lied. There are too many imperfections, almost too many to correct; one by one, I will not leave any unchecked. I'm ordained to beauty, damned to splendor. Oh how I long for a waist so small, so slender. Still breathing? Yes, I am, but a corpse, emotionally surrendered. Dear starvation, I'll give you my figure, make me graceful, hold me tender. When sustaining in a life of little or none, I'd want to be average ,but as a pretender. The frame that pierces slowly through the tissue, are bones that mark my will to continue. The power to love hunger-pains like family and keep them alive ( read on next post)
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For Christ sake, you seem like a wonderful girl, but you need some ******* help! I am a guy, and being anorexic is not ******* healthy! It is not a lifestyle choice, it is a ******* mental disorder, and you need help! It kills! There's so many girls here who are beautiful, and not fat in the slightest, and you're all slowly killing yourselves! You need help, please! Despite what people here might think, no, guys do not think it's attractive to be skinny. Please, someone, anyone, listen to this, you're killing yourself, I want to help, please, my email is cold_fire345@hotmail.com, please, please, please, message me, you DO have a disease, you ARE killing yourself, and you DO need help.
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Thanks a lot for your concern :) .. I'm not looking to seek to what guys find attractive.. I'm looking to find myself attractive, My boyfriend used to think I had the best body in the world, when I lost more weight, it became apparent to him, that I look better thinner.. he doesn't want me to continue with weight loss, but with truth be told, its not about him , or any other guy, its about me, looking at myself in the mirror and not breaking down.. Its about me seeing beautiful hip bones that show others how determine I am.. I'm at average weight, but I want to reach 49 KG at least, because at my weight, I'm not happy.. I do fear food.. I've been this way for two years now.. but I'm making the best of it.. Even though, I might have the worst days of my life, and never-ending tears , I really,truly with all due respect for you, and your will to show anorexics otherwise .. do not wish to recover. Thanks :)
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That picture is amazing .......your stunning and talented ......and Im betting not fat at all. Are you new ???? If so Hey cause I dnt think we've spoke bfore ..... hope alls good and **** .....:) xxxxxxxxx
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Oh my god sweetheart you dont know how much that means to me (l) , yes I am new, just a few days actually, but the more I spend time on here the more I find wonderful people.. I got addicted to this site so fast, and I'm sooo happy you like my picture! and looking forward to speaking to you alot more :D !
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