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GemmaFawnBradshaw becOming THIN = becOming PERFECT Why can't my wrists be thin, my ribs visible, my legs breakable and my hip bones protruding? Because perfection doesn't happen without hard work. Hard work and dedication, that's what I crave and that's what I need. I'm sick of not having the body I want and I'm sick of looking like a fat pig. Anorexia is one of the only ways I can have control in my life. A dodgy arm and a f*cked-up bowel, I never asked for them but that's what I got. Now I'm on my guest to thindom and I won't stop until I get there. The Ultimate Goal? 90lbs Will I stop once I get there? Who knows. Right now I don't care, I just want to be there. Food needs to know that it cannot rule over me and I need to prove to myself that I can do this. Not for anyone else. FOR ME! ![[Untitled]](http://image.wetpaint.com/image/1/ufU-V1iazpeR1rXgYtuh3w107541/GW410H319 "[Untitled]") MK Challenge I'm trying the MK Challenge so I thought I'd record my results so you can see how it worked for me and help you decide if it could work for you! No food all day: 15 points Consuming 300cals or less: 10 points Consuming 300-500cals: 7 points Burning 300+cals: 15 points Burning 200-300cals: 10 points Burning 150-200cals: 7 points Drinking 8+ cups of water: 15 points Drinking 6/7 cups of water: 10 points Drinking 4/5 cups of water: 7 points Commenting on 5+ sites: 10 points Commenting on 3 sites: 7 points Binging: -5 points Purging following the binge: 2 points Resisting food: 1 point Every hour of sleep: 1 point 1 cup of green tea: 1 point Diet pills: 1 point
OK, so as you can see I failed the MK Challenge, I know you can't really fail it but the problem was I was away for a few days and couldn't get on the computer, I've forgotten what I had each day and couldn't add up my points. I like the MK Challenge as it's easy to follow and there aren't any strict rules. However I think my problem is that I kind of thought it was OK to go over 500cals as I was making up for that with the amount of exercise I was doing. If I try it again I will eat less, drink more water and maybe use diet pills. I'd say that anyone should try this diet because it doesn't require specific foods and is easy to follow! I lost 1lb but I'm not sure if this was down to the diet as I saw the weight loss after one day which doesn't seem right, I didn't lose any more weight after that. 06/08/09 Today is a new start for me, I've tried to fast but kind of failed each day, when I eat whilst I'm trying to fast it tends to be junk that I consume so I epically mess up the fast! So I've now decided to keep to under 500cals a day. Today I'm planning on having a coffee and half a tin of tuna for lunch seeing as breakfast should have been about four hours ago. Then I'll try and go until dinner time without anything but if I'm really craving I'll have some fruit, green tea or coffee. I'll have some of dinner if my mum is doing a veggie friendly one, if not I'll make myself an omlette. I've found a great online journal website so I'll be using that to keep track of calories. I'll be going on Wii Fit each day aswell to burn baby burn! 16/08/09 Ok then so I've decided to try something new. I find it so much easier having something to follow so I've decided to try the ABC Diet. I'm going to keep track of everything like I did with the MK Challenge and just see how it goes. I'm hoping to get down to 100lbs which shouldn't be difficult as I've only got about 2 or 3lbs to go I think! I'll weigh myself tommorow on the day it starts and then keep track of my weight! My dream would be to reach my goal of 90lbs so fingers crossed it'll go well! I've had to swap a couple of days round because I'm going to London with friends on September 5th and I know that will revolve around food so I can hardly fast on that day! 19/08/09 Did a huge poo this morning in what feels like forever. I haven't been too well because of my condition recently and have been feeling really down. Now I feel so much lighter and have lost 1.5lbs! I've still got a ton of poo left in me but there you go. Anyway that's about it really, it's now 1:20pm and so far today I've had a green tea and a couple of spoonfuls of yoghurt, so far, so good for my 300cal day! 21/08/09 So it's Day 5 and so far so good, I've lost a total of 2.5lbs in 5 days. YAY! I've been finding it easy to stay within my calorie limit during the day but once it gets to about 9:00pm, the temptation to binge starts. Biscuits and sweets have been my downfall but the good thing is that each night it's getting less and because today is a 100 day I'm going to try my absolute best not to have anything at all tonight and if I really do feel like I'm going to binge I'm going to have some raspberries. Yesterday I went for lunch with my cousin and got a cheese baquette for lunch, that came in at 445cals but I didn't eat all of it, then had a Starbucks which I think brought my total up to 400cals. I took some laxatives last night (not for e.d purposes but for my bowel condition) and today I feel like crap and I'm not hungry at all so hopefully today will go well! 24/08/09 For the past few days everything has been going terribly, I've been eating all sorts of rubbish and haven't been following the ABC properly. Today though I'm back on track and hoping to shift the 1.5lbs I need to lose to get down to 100lbs. I'd like to lose it by 01/09/09 so fingers crossed I will. I've only put on 1/2lb despite my terrible eating so I'm feeling quite happy about that! 25/08/09 I feel like a major **** up today. Everything had gone fine and I had stuck within my 500 calorie limit, then my mum had bought me a giant bar of Milka and I scoffed the lot, so there's an extra 530cals on top of my already 500cals today! So that'll be pounds on tommorow! And to make things worse, I think I'm going to the beach tommorow with my nanny and brother so that'll mean chips and ice-cream, I can almost here the pounds creeping on already! 27/08/09 Just got my GCSE results back and I'm very happy with 4A*'s, 5A's and 1C. I practically emptied my bowel last night meaning that I've finally reached my 100lb goal, now I need to stay on top of my bowel condition so I don't gain loads back! So now I'm heading towards my ultimate goal of 90lbs! 01/09/09 I HATE myself at the moment. It's no excuse but after I go to the toilet I just want to eat, I think it's just getti ![[Untitled]](http://image.wetpaint.com/image/1/OUDkuyGo3zFFetMDCg43sA955097/GW325H379 "[Untitled]") ng rid of so much so quickly, my body just wants all of it back inside so tells me I need to eat. Because I've just gone to the loo I think well I can afford to eat because I've just lost a load of weight, when what I should think is, I've just lost weight, why don't I try to lose more!!! I'm annoyed as well, almost depressed actually, because I think I've emptied my bowel but then a couple of days later all the **** creeps foward and I can feel loads more in my stomach, I hate to think of the amount that is actually in there! Anyway, ABC has been going terribly for the reasons above and I feel terrible today, both physically and mentally because I've eaten loads! Tommorow I'm meant to fast, that won't happen because I'm going in the city, might just go to Starbucks and get an iced coffee as that's practically calorie free! Anyway, that's all for now, I'll let you know how I'm doing in a couple of days! Also, I'm very annoyed as I now weight 102lbs!! :(04/09/09 Just had my haircut and I love it. I can't even talk about my eating habits at the moment because I'm so ashamed of them :( Apologies for the picture, it makes my face look rather odd! It's gone more square than it should have done but unless I want a larger than life size pic on here then I'll have to cope with this one > 09/09/09 The date is appropriate, let's ring an ambulance to take the boom boom to the hospital and get the fat sucked out. I'm disgusting, put on loads of weight, can't follow a simple diet plan, scoff junk until I could burst yet continue to eat it. From now on, ABC will be followed strictly because somewhere I do have the willpower and I have all of you on here to provide me with support should I need it. Couple of positives in this sea of negatives though, I'm enjoying Sixth Form and LOVE learning again, crazy as that sounds, and my friend could be returning to my Sixth Form from her posh one she's at at the moment! :) 26/09/09 Haven't posted in a while so I thought I'd update you! I've decided to not continue with the ABC for various reasons, mainly that I'm getting bored with so much control. Me and ix3youalot are creating our own diet plan so fingers crossed we'll both start to lose and stop hating ourselves! In other parts of my life..... Sixth Form is going reasonably well. I LOVE maths (call me sad if you want :P), Psychology, Biology and Religious Studies (RS) are good but RS is seriously the most confusing subject I have ever done!! Nearly every lesson I'm told that I might not even exist! Am I actually here? Are all of my memories put into my head when I enter a room and weren't there before? Could I not just be a brain in a jar with electrodes attached to it creating everything I see around me in my imagination? Is everything just figments of my imagination? Just some of the many questions I've been asked. I'll probably end up going completely craaaazzzy! Oh yeah, if you read my last post I said my friend might be returning from her posh Sixth Form... she didn't :(. But I've got a new friend who shares my name! But her's is spelt with a 'J' not a 'G', and she's lovely so YAY, I don't feel like I'm so on my own at school anymore! I'll update again soon, Love Gem xoxo  21/10/09 Time for an update! At the moment on here everything feels like it's falling apart. We don't seem to have many members who are active, we've just found out that someone who we thought we could trust and who had been through a lot with her friend (who we'd been told had died) was in fact lying to us. Also ix3youalot said that it wasn't actually her in her pictures (which I honestly do forgive her for!). But I'm starting to worry that things will just all end up falling apart. Right then, negative out of the way, let's focus on the positives! I'm starting to get back on track with the diet, YAY! I feel like I've got over my binge phase and I'm starting to belive in myself a bit more so hopefully I'll get back down to 100lbs again! Haven't weighed myself in a while, mainly because I'm too scared to, but I imagine I'm around 105lbs at the moment. School's going ok but I'm just totally worn out all of the time. There's so much work to do and sometimes I think that if I started eating normally then everything would be so much easier to cope with, but I just can't turn my back on all of this! Oh yeah, if you read my last little update, I mentioned a new girl called Jemma. I think she was 'lovely' when she was trying to fit in to the school, but now she has she's turned into a huge flirt who all the guys (and teachers!!?) seem to love. She reminds me of an old friend I once had (and ended up loathing), so she really isn't as great as I thought she was! At least I'm getting on well with my other friends though so it's all good. :) Loves, Gem xoxo  I've added this picture of me because of the bones; collar bones, my arm and hand all look rather thin on here so I'm liking this picture obviously ;). Just in case you were thinking I couldn't apply make-up well or dress properly it was a halloween party :) xx
Latest page update: Nov 15 2009, 3:29 PM EST
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