Status: Big Fat Loser



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29.10.2009. Yeah... It's been a while since I last updated my profile.. And that's probably why I hardly lost any weight lately. Well, but that's gonna change, starting 2moro. That's right. Gotta do it. Gotta go on. Get this over with.. Wait, it never stops, does it? Then whatever. Even if I drop dead it's still gonna be worth it. What?! Come on! I'm still not even close to skinny! I've got like 3 years of losing weight before anything bad happens. You know, maybe it's sad, but I've got to admit, the years when I was anorexic (I mean anorexic and skinny) werethe best years of my life. Besides the depression, the deceiveness, the isolation. At least then I was close to perfection and it mademe happy. And now? I've got nothing to grin about. Not even my body. Especially not my body!
Still, since I first came here, I've lost about 33lbs which is not a lot but it is something. It's a good basis for a greater plan. And please poeple, write me! I'm gonna try and write you guys back as quick as I can.
Ok, I'm gonna do it! we're gonna do it! Slim down, slim down, slim down down down.






05.09.2009. Hi. Just wanted you to know that I'm losing weight again:) I've got my new found motivation and it gets me going. I need to lose at least a stone this month so I better get my big fat ass up. And continue my diet... I eat mostly fruit & veg (not too much fruit). My tolerance for my daily calorie intake got lowered in my head so that's a good thing. It's always relative.. If you eat less, you start thinking it's the optimal intake and you would't want to eat more than that on the following days. And I'm in a point, when I feel comfortable smaller amounts of cals than I used to e.g. a month ago. Hell yeah, way to go!!!!!!



04.09.2009. I'm so sorry girls for not getting back to you... I'm just so busy now!! Work, driving lessons, jogging, sleeping:(


22.08.2009. I feel so disgusting... It's the feeling of being dissapointed in yourself mixed with being able to feel your fat cells expanding and multiplying. I feel like a piece of ****. Abc my ass!
I'm not a quitter, I'm starting again and I'm gonna do it like a pro I once was.


15.08.2009. Yeah, so I screwed up my diet, i.e. I've been binging for 2 days now. At least binging on healthy foods like fruit, but calories are still calories, right? So. I'm very pissed about it, I was doing so great already. But tomorrow it changes. Tomorrow I'm back on my diet. And I'm plannig to start abc on Monday, so there is still hope. I'm desperate. Jogging like crazy.. I just have to make it, have to lose more & more & more... I hate standing in place. And I'm terrified of making a step back. So I have to go forward. Otherwise I will go mad.


12.08.2009. So... I tried chewing and spitting but after 2 days of doing that I can honestly say it's rubbish! Why? Well, firstly it sukcs all over the place because it's pretty disgusting. But that wouldn't stop me if it made me lose weight or eat less. The problem is, it causes the insulin levels to rise, which not only makes you feel hungry like a bloody caveman, it also STOPS YOU FROM LOSING WEIGHT! How so? Well, it blocks the hormones responsible for weight loss, and you know the rest of the story.. So 'chew and spit' is another 'no-no' for me. And for a minute I thought there actually was an easy way out. ******* hell! There never is.


06.08.2009. Currently super-busy so I don't have time for pigging out but also for excercise:( so that's not fab, but I'm working on it. Plus I got scared because I had chest pains yesterday and I could't breathe right for an hour or so. Almost collapsed. I might have some problems with my heart because of the amount of pills I take. Dunno. Don't wanna drop dead any time soon, but want to lose more weight! I'm still a cow!

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MORE ABOUT ME...

My nickname: quite a mature one, no ****:) i just had no ideas, it represents what i used to look like when i was skinny and how i want to look like once again and forever. And the feeling of being light as a feather...

I joined this wiki because: I'd like to meet people who feel the same way as I do and who go through the same things. I'd like to inspire and to be inspired. Help and be helped. Support and be supported. And I'd love to have an ana buddy. Maybe make some long-distance friendships.

The best word to describe me is:passionate, messed up

Interests: foreign cultures, travelling, foreign languages, marketing, snowboarding, volleyball, thinspo

Favorite movies: (ED) - THIN, For the Love of Nancy, Perfect Body. (Other) - movies with Johnny Depp, Jack Nicholson, British movies
Favorite TV shows: Desperate Housewives, Mock the Week

Favorite music: Kings of Leon! KT Tunstall, Dolores O'riordan, The Ting Tings, The Verve, random songs I find by chance and fall for

If I could live anywhere, it would be: London!

My dream job(s): the leader of a creative team at a prestigious ad agency

What else you should know about me: Lonely in a crowd, in love with nature, in love with this website!
Want to become more involved in this community, contribute more and make more friends.

My pics:
I guess I don't have pics from my skinniest period, but I would be happy to look like below (it changes, when I'm skinny I want more). ADDED LATER: When I look at it I get the impression that I was still quite chubby for an anorexic. Maybe it's because of my figure: all the fat goes to my ass and legs (disgusting!) while the rest of my body looks like a skeleton.













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SAY HELLO!
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