Sign in or 
Location: AnA BoNeS Discussion Forum
Discussion: Advice for my "Friend" situation
Category:
Discussion Forum /
General Discussion
Share this
Showing 7 posts
|
CocoRosie |
Advice for my "Friend" situation
Sep 22 2009, 4:05 PM EDT
So i'm new here (I joined Sunday, I think.) and I kind of have a situation going on with my very best friend.We've been friends since kindergarden, and we've always been able to tell each other everything, trust each other, etc. Well, I got my ED around when I was ten..maybe eleven. And since then it has consumed my whole life (as it tends to do, lol) I have a very strong hate for myself and my body. I went through a period in my life where I was so consumed in it that I didn't want to talk to anyone. Sometimes I wasn't there for friends. But I explained that to my best friend, and she understood. But now: we're drifting apart. She rarely talks to me anymore. The last talk we had, was very brutal for me. I didn't mention before, but my best friend has cerebral palsy. Her mind is fine, everything with her is fine (Shes sharper than me!) but she has to walk with a crutch. She has never once complained about it, but she has had her fare shares of hardship and difficulties, that I have helped her through. And she has helped me. Anyway, during our last talk I was opening up about how I felt (after she asked me) and she kind of said, "Sometimes you act like the fact that you won't eat is worse than my disability. You can choose to eat. I can't choose to walk normally."- and I was shocked, and didn't know what to say. I just don't know what to think about it. I'm starting to think now she said that because maybe I really do act like that toward her; she's just not one to lie. So now I'm just sad that I've alienated myself from someone else = / And it's most likely my fault. I just can't afford to lose anyone else right now, you know? I love her so much. And this only makes me more angry at myself. I guess I posted her to ask what I should do. Self reflection time? Should I apologize to my friend? Has ana won again? Do you find this valuable? |
WickedChild |
1. RE: Advice for my "Friend" situation
Sep 22 2009, 4:24 PM EDT
I'm so sorry :( I've lost a good friend lately and it hurts so much. When you consider someone so close that theyre better than family, and you feel like theyre turning their back on you, it worsens everything.What she said is right in a way, but also wrong. People that don't suffer from this can't understand. I would almost go so far as to compare it to "cerebral palsy of the mind". Yes we could choose to be "better" but sometimes its like telling her to choose to walk. I think you should just explain to her how much her friendship means to you, and it would break your heart if you guys drifted apart. Try to explain to her what you've been going through, and tell her that it might sound stupid and SELFISH but you can't help it. Tell her you respect everything she's gone through and how hard it must be for her sometimes, but ask her to please try to understand what you're going through. Tell her you need her friendship and support and if she can do that for you, that you will be happy to help her and support her in any way in return. She should know first hand that nobody is perfect. And yes, self reflection is a must. You must try to think about your life with ana and whats its done for you. You must also think about how much it's taken from you. I'm not trying to push you to get help or change, but is this what you want forever? I'm being very hypocritical, but I believe in my advise to you. Do you find this valuable? |
Ohhsuger |
2. RE: Advice for my "Friend" situation
Sep 22 2009, 7:41 PM EDT
thats very good advise, no one could have said it better.. I totally agree.. coco rosie, the best thing to do is have a talk with her.. just say exactly what u feel. best of luck sweety *hugs*
Do you find this valuable?
|
Perfected-dreamer |
3. RE: Advice for my "Friend" situation
Sep 22 2009, 10:23 PM EDT
Keep in mind that if there is anything in someones life that is a downer on them, or not invited by them... they will have their moments of anger and the normally come come out at other people. Your friend sounds like a lovely understanding person, and I'm sure when she said what she said, she was probably feeling in a some what negative mood to herself and then hearing someone elses problems... which she doesn't have to live with daily, so can't grasp the full effect it has on someone, it can come across as a slap in the face. I would keep it light hearted for a bit if I was you, no big deep and meaningfuls. Let her remember why you guys are friends etc. It can also help you maybe enjoy some lighter for carefree moments, to slowly ease you out of the isolation you have placed yourself in. Win-win situation. You guys have been like sisters for years and year, and like sisters; you fight and have your bitchy moments. As long as you do your best to show her the respect she deserves, and she does the same back I am sure you will be fine. I would though work on getting out of that isolated place though, it will start twisting how you see things, and that's when you will perminitly loose friends, because you will have left them no choice but to walk away. You haven't yet though, it's not to late. So just take one day at a time and you'll get there :) All the best. XX Do you find this valuable? |
|
WickedChild |
4. RE: Advice for my "Friend" situation
Sep 23 2009, 1:46 AM EDT
I totally agree with perfected dreamers approach. Don't express yourself in a super miserable sad and "pity me for this" way. Not that I think you would, but its true, if youre too intense about something its going to scare the person and maybe scare them away yknow?
Do you find this valuable?
|
|
CocoRosie |
5. RE: Advice for my "Friend" situation
Sep 23 2009, 9:56 AM EDT
"I totally agree with perfected dreamers approach. Don't express yourself in a super miserable sad and "pity me for this" way. Not that I think you would, but its true, if youre too intense about something its going to scare the person and maybe scare them away yknow?"Yeah..That is true. I DO get intense about it sometimes. Only because that's really the only way I know how to handle it. Thank you so much to all of your help; I think I will keep it lighthearted (as perfected-dreamer said). I'll support her more and try to keep my problems out of it when appropriate. I'm going to work on it, lol. I would just really hate to lose such a great friend. Thanks again guys : ) Do you find this valuable? |
|
Ohhsuger |
6. RE: Advice for my "Friend" situation
Sep 23 2009, 6:10 PM EDT
Anytimes, were all here for you on ana bones <3
Do you find this valuable?
|
