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Discussion: the hint of a collar bone....
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BlueHourGirl |
the hint of a collar bone....
Oct 7 2009, 10:00 PM EDT
Every day is such hard work, it's been almost two weeks now. But then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and hate the reflection. In my mind, its not happening fast enough. I want to be further along, I need to be further along. My reflection.....me.....is utterly deformed. Rolls and dimples when I long for skin and bones. A hint of a collar bone, a shadow of a jaw line, a glimmer of beauty. Food is a drug to me like cocaine is to someone else. This has to be my way now...no middle of the road...this is how I must eat for the rest of my life. People who are recovering drug addicts or alcoholics stay that way by living very structered and ordered lives. This is how I will have to approach my life with food. I write down everything, what I eat, the supplements I take. I keep check lists and check things off as I go. I have to be able to quickly recall what I ate at the end of a day or else I think I ate too much. The only thing I don't moniter is water. I just drink it, and drink it, and drink it. Its difficult now because it is not yet habit. But I will keep going until it is. Until its no longer just a hint of collar bone....but more.
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xxstiickthiinxx |
1. RE: the hint of a collar bone....
Nov 4 2009, 12:03 AM EST
you just described my life, food is a drug my addiction... i hate to push people away with a life so structued to get to my gw but its what has to be done. its like every1 else does everything around food, they schedule their day around food, holidays, socials, parties, study groups, everything around and with food. the isolation from avoiding tempting situations is almost harder for me then anyother
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TisEmma |
2. RE: the hint of a collar bone....
Nov 5 2009, 1:11 PM EST
this is a truely brilliant way of describing me, im just back from being "fattened up" and now all i see are rolls of fat and a huge mass of person. Its not even me looking back from my reflection, no bone is on show anymore and i dont know what to do. Can i ever beat them, the doctors?xx Do you find this valuable? |
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xxstiickthiinxx |
3. RE: the hint of a collar bone....
Nov 5 2009, 11:57 PM EST
if you "recover" they lighten up, pretend life is usual go to school get good grades join a club, the more time away from home the better they just think ur busy & reassimulating into life as normal
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TisEmma |
4. RE: the hint of a collar bone....
Nov 9 2009, 6:47 PM EST
Will do, thanks :) xx Do you find this valuable? |
